Mortal Fear

I was almost reaching meditation levels while waiting my turn for the visa officer to call me at the quiet UK Visa Centre, when I was rudely woken up by a monstrous cacophony that was coming out of what seemed like a 6 year old boy!

My first reaction was that of dismissing the sight as yet another spoilt Delhi kid (quite a few of those around as you would know), when it suddenly happened… it suddenly struck me that this could be MY Delhi kid 5 years from now!

This thought sent me into a freeze worse than a fractured hip, and the pain of such a possibility was quite close to a fracture as well.

I was almost getting a seizure, when my good brain came alive and pointed out to me that the way my son grows up to be is entirely dependant on me as a parent - how I raise him, how I can discipline him, how I can teach him the value of respecting others’ time and space, knowing when to say no to his demands, making him realize his boundaries, and basically not being a pain in the ass.

But even before I could find some peace in this thought, I saw the hapless mother who was trying desperately to leash this 6 year old devil, I saw her face which looked like a black & white movie… I saw her half-open eyes which had ‘defeated’ written large on them… and I saw her posture which would make the Hunchback of Notre dame change his name…. I saw in her a parent 5 years ago, who would have had the same grand notions of parenting, disciplining and raising a good child as I do now…

This realization came fast and cold… sending shivers down my spine… I was back in the freeze.

The Mortal Fear of Parenting had hit me…. and it seems like it’s here to stay…

He's One Already!

The Big Milestone... your first born turns one year old... And 'overwhelming' doesn't quite come close to describing what you feel.

At first, you indulge in nostalgia...
... how fast the year has gone by
... seems only yesterday when the doctor placed a not-really-crying baby in my arms, who looked at me straight in the eyest, as if asking 'so, this is life huh, doesn't look like a big deal to me'
... his first smile (that you don't want to acknowledge was really gas)
... his 'actual' first smile, his first teeth, his first baby gurgles, his first turn, his first time sitting, crawling, standing, walking

Then, you give a sigh of relief... the sleepless nights, the smelly diapers, the constant mortal fear of suffocating him while he's lying next to you, the crying, the feed-every-few-hours... all feel blissfully a thing of the past (well, almost all, anyway)

And finally, the anxiety mixed with excitement of the future...
... what's in store in the coming year
... what all there is to look forward to as you discover life through his eyes
... what kind of person am I making, what kind of a person is he growing up to be
... what more do I need to do that I'm not doing enough of
... what's the next adventure that I am going to embark on

The Big Milestone indeed for Daddy Cool ... and like I said, 'overwhelming' doesn't really describe how you feel...