On Hold

For as long as I can remember, one of the biggest challenges of life has been balancing the reality of who we are vs. the aspiration of who we want to be... where we are today vs. where we want to be few years from now. And it is dealing with this dilemma that makes us better people, makes us grow, makes us strive for things that can be called progress. And, its not easy. In fact, far from it. And its a struggle day in and day out. But, that's life. And as an adult, you deal with it.

But, enter a child in your life and it adds a whole new 3rd dimension. Suddenly, its not just the struggle between your aspirations and your present. There is also the need to manage this 3rd aspect of your life... the life you need to live to be able to take care of, and provide for this new member of your being. And when it becomes a 3-way tug of war of completely different priorities, each pulling in completely different directions... you know that the rope is going to snap somewhere.

And feels like it is the part of rope stretching between your present and your aspiration, that snaps. Whereas the part stretching to the new 'child friendly' life is what holds on (it is perhaps this part of the rope that is truly the 'umbilical chord')

At which point, you quickly realise that life is taking over a course that you necessarily didn't plan for. You realise that the part of your life that you have always known to be true, may not exist anymore. You realise that you are, for the time being, letting go of your self-centred life. And the part of life that is 'holding on' to you, is putting your life 'on hold'... atleast for now...