For as long as I can remember, one of the biggest challenges of life has been balancing the reality of who we are vs. the aspiration of who we want to be... where we are today vs. where we want to be few years from now. And it is dealing with this dilemma that makes us better people, makes us grow, makes us strive for things that can be called progress. And, its not easy. In fact, far from it. And its a struggle day in and day out. But, that's life. And as an adult, you deal with it.
But, enter a child in your life and it adds a whole new 3rd dimension. Suddenly, its not just the struggle between your aspirations and your present. There is also the need to manage this 3rd aspect of your life... the life you need to live to be able to take care of, and provide for this new member of your being. And when it becomes a 3-way tug of war of completely different priorities, each pulling in completely different directions... you know that the rope is going to snap somewhere.
And feels like it is the part of rope stretching between your present and your aspiration, that snaps. Whereas the part stretching to the new 'child friendly' life is what holds on (it is perhaps this part of the rope that is truly the 'umbilical chord')
At which point, you quickly realise that life is taking over a course that you necessarily didn't plan for. You realise that the part of your life that you have always known to be true, may not exist anymore. You realise that you are, for the time being, letting go of your self-centred life. And the part of life that is 'holding on' to you, is putting your life 'on hold'... atleast for now...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Al-Mostly Romantic
In melo-dramatic slow motion, I climbed coach no. 17 of the Eurostar and (a little too quickly than it was meant to be) I reached my hand out to 'my' Simran running behind me on the platform... waiting for her hand to grab mine and complete the epic (& perhaps one of the most romantic) moment of Hindi cinema, just as Raj had done in 1995...
It was 'almost' the same, but a tad different... What I got in my hand was the handle of a pram and instead of the Jatin-Lalit background score, there was a rising crescendo of a bunch of Brits giving us the look of 'hurry up mate, will you'
This pretty much set the tone and nature of our first ever trip to Paris, indeed our first ever international holiday since he was born. One of the biggest jokes that life plays on us mortals (and I laugh my guts out every time I remember this) is this: when we are footloose and have the time & space to savour moments like 'taking in the grandeur of the Notre Dame Cathedral, feeling both small yet enriched', we have no money to be able to afford it. And the stage in our life when we do have the money to afford it, even against the backdrop of the Eiffel Tower rising magnificently against an enchanting Paris sunset, we are more concerned with trying to find the missing shoe that the toddler has yet again dropped somewhere.
'Paris with a Pram' is a book that is waiting to be written and if I'm not the first one who buys it, I will definitely be the first one to write it. A bus tour pass of the city for 2 days - 64 Euros, a lunch on a roadside cafe at the Champs Elysees (pronounced Shawnz-a-leezay) - 31 Euros, your 2 year old rejecting the Eiffel Tower in favour of the nearby merry go-round - priceless!
And yet there is something to be said about the impression Paris makes in our hearts. It is said that if anyone has been in Paris as a youngster or a student, they will remember their Paris life forever, wherever they may be... I add here, that it can just as easily be said of parents with a two year old in tow in Paris... will remember it forever.
Even after all the hullabulloo about the city, we were swept away. Even with the constant demand for sweeties & the acrobats of folding and unfolding the pram from one bus ride to another... even with the rude 'please don't ask or make me do anything more' attitude of the French service providers... even with the grime & the loudness of the roadside... we fell in love with Paris... and felt in love with each other. The most romantic city in the world, and we did have 'almost' a romantic time and 'mostly' a romantic time. Will be back again...
It was 'almost' the same, but a tad different... What I got in my hand was the handle of a pram and instead of the Jatin-Lalit background score, there was a rising crescendo of a bunch of Brits giving us the look of 'hurry up mate, will you'
This pretty much set the tone and nature of our first ever trip to Paris, indeed our first ever international holiday since he was born. One of the biggest jokes that life plays on us mortals (and I laugh my guts out every time I remember this) is this: when we are footloose and have the time & space to savour moments like 'taking in the grandeur of the Notre Dame Cathedral, feeling both small yet enriched', we have no money to be able to afford it. And the stage in our life when we do have the money to afford it, even against the backdrop of the Eiffel Tower rising magnificently against an enchanting Paris sunset, we are more concerned with trying to find the missing shoe that the toddler has yet again dropped somewhere.
'Paris with a Pram' is a book that is waiting to be written and if I'm not the first one who buys it, I will definitely be the first one to write it. A bus tour pass of the city for 2 days - 64 Euros, a lunch on a roadside cafe at the Champs Elysees (pronounced Shawnz-a-leezay) - 31 Euros, your 2 year old rejecting the Eiffel Tower in favour of the nearby merry go-round - priceless!
And yet there is something to be said about the impression Paris makes in our hearts. It is said that if anyone has been in Paris as a youngster or a student, they will remember their Paris life forever, wherever they may be... I add here, that it can just as easily be said of parents with a two year old in tow in Paris... will remember it forever.
Even after all the hullabulloo about the city, we were swept away. Even with the constant demand for sweeties & the acrobats of folding and unfolding the pram from one bus ride to another... even with the rude 'please don't ask or make me do anything more' attitude of the French service providers... even with the grime & the loudness of the roadside... we fell in love with Paris... and felt in love with each other. The most romantic city in the world, and we did have 'almost' a romantic time and 'mostly' a romantic time. Will be back again...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Degrees of Strength
Ninety Nine degrees temperature nearly brought us into tears some time back... yet at 103 today we don't panic and instead focus on keeping him in good spirits and keeping his smile going. Today we are 4 degrees stronger than before.
Today, we have known what it feels to see your heart suffering, but still being able to keep heatbeats up, knowing that it is that which will make the difference. We have felt the selflessness of making him feel strong & happy instead of indulging ourselves in worry or pity.
Today, we have found in ourselves the emotional strength we never thought we had. We have seen how a two year old, though a child, is not weak. We have learnt how he is transforming us, making us stronger, making us grow up. We have felt how our biggest weakness is actually our biggest strength.
Today, two years down the line, we are 4 degrees stronger.
Today, we have known what it feels to see your heart suffering, but still being able to keep heatbeats up, knowing that it is that which will make the difference. We have felt the selflessness of making him feel strong & happy instead of indulging ourselves in worry or pity.
Today, we have found in ourselves the emotional strength we never thought we had. We have seen how a two year old, though a child, is not weak. We have learnt how he is transforming us, making us stronger, making us grow up. We have felt how our biggest weakness is actually our biggest strength.
Today, two years down the line, we are 4 degrees stronger.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Peppa Pig & Why Animals Will Never Be the Same Again
A birthday card was being passed around in the office for all of us to sign. It was Geoff's birthday and someone was making fun of the animated pig that was on the cover of the card. It was my turn to sign on the card, and that's when I saw it... THIS was no ordinary pig on the card, it was Peppa Pig!
The minute I said it aloud to myself, I realised that the world of animals will never be the same again for me. Never again will I be able to be casual or indifferent to a dog on the road, or ignore a snail in the backyard, or yawn everytime there is a bear or a camel on a Nat Geo documentary.
It seems part of being parent is having deep and meaningful relationships with the flora and fauna around you, no matter how insignificant you thought they were in your lives some time ago. There is no longer such a thing as a 'dog', it is either Kipper, Scooby Doo, Pluto, Clifford or (if you've been badly hit by the broke financial industry) Churchill. Again, you need to be very specific when you're dealing with bears as well... is it barnaby, paddington, pooh, yogi or care? Is it just any ordinary camel or is it Sally? If you're smart you can get away by taking a lame guess on the names of some less fortunate animals like Mr. Snail and Pingu the Penguin. But, tread very carefully when dealing with creatures that may just look like lumps to you, but on closer look, have much more a personality than you ever will... be it Barney, who has a lot of class despite his humungous ass, the Teletubbies with a window-to-the-world in their tummies, Iggle Piggle who feels sleeping at night is just someone's point of view or Fimbles who could give Picasso a run for his money.
The minute I said it aloud to myself, I realised that the world of animals will never be the same again for me. Never again will I be able to be casual or indifferent to a dog on the road, or ignore a snail in the backyard, or yawn everytime there is a bear or a camel on a Nat Geo documentary.
It seems part of being parent is having deep and meaningful relationships with the flora and fauna around you, no matter how insignificant you thought they were in your lives some time ago. There is no longer such a thing as a 'dog', it is either Kipper, Scooby Doo, Pluto, Clifford or (if you've been badly hit by the broke financial industry) Churchill. Again, you need to be very specific when you're dealing with bears as well... is it barnaby, paddington, pooh, yogi or care? Is it just any ordinary camel or is it Sally? If you're smart you can get away by taking a lame guess on the names of some less fortunate animals like Mr. Snail and Pingu the Penguin. But, tread very carefully when dealing with creatures that may just look like lumps to you, but on closer look, have much more a personality than you ever will... be it Barney, who has a lot of class despite his humungous ass, the Teletubbies with a window-to-the-world in their tummies, Iggle Piggle who feels sleeping at night is just someone's point of view or Fimbles who could give Picasso a run for his money.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Sigh!
Once again, a cry from the room while we try to catch moments of grown-up (read, TV!) time in the living room. Once again, we sigh at the thought of giving up our very few moments of personal time in the day.
Once again, the cry for attention, the cry for comfort, the cry for security, the cry for mamma or daddy.
Once again, the rushing to the room, the patting on the back, the swinging in the arm, the mamma or daddy response.
Once again, we lie with him as we put him back to bed and his face moves from a frown to a smile... Once again, he holds our hands in his little ones and gives a sigh of happiness & deep sleep. And all we can do is Sigh!
Once again, the cry for attention, the cry for comfort, the cry for security, the cry for mamma or daddy.
Once again, the rushing to the room, the patting on the back, the swinging in the arm, the mamma or daddy response.
Once again, we lie with him as we put him back to bed and his face moves from a frown to a smile... Once again, he holds our hands in his little ones and gives a sigh of happiness & deep sleep. And all we can do is Sigh!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Mortal Fear
I was almost reaching meditation levels while waiting my turn for the visa officer to call me at the quiet UK Visa Centre, when I was rudely woken up by a monstrous cacophony that was coming out of what seemed like a 6 year old boy!
My first reaction was that of dismissing the sight as yet another spoilt Delhi kid (quite a few of those around as you would know), when it suddenly happened… it suddenly struck me that this could be MY Delhi kid 5 years from now!
This thought sent me into a freeze worse than a fractured hip, and the pain of such a possibility was quite close to a fracture as well.
I was almost getting a seizure, when my good brain came alive and pointed out to me that the way my son grows up to be is entirely dependant on me as a parent - how I raise him, how I can discipline him, how I can teach him the value of respecting others’ time and space, knowing when to say no to his demands, making him realize his boundaries, and basically not being a pain in the ass.
But even before I could find some peace in this thought, I saw the hapless mother who was trying desperately to leash this 6 year old devil, I saw her face which looked like a black & white movie… I saw her half-open eyes which had ‘defeated’ written large on them… and I saw her posture which would make the Hunchback of Notre dame change his name…. I saw in her a parent 5 years ago, who would have had the same grand notions of parenting, disciplining and raising a good child as I do now…
This realization came fast and cold… sending shivers down my spine… I was back in the freeze.
The Mortal Fear of Parenting had hit me…. and it seems like it’s here to stay…
My first reaction was that of dismissing the sight as yet another spoilt Delhi kid (quite a few of those around as you would know), when it suddenly happened… it suddenly struck me that this could be MY Delhi kid 5 years from now!
This thought sent me into a freeze worse than a fractured hip, and the pain of such a possibility was quite close to a fracture as well.
I was almost getting a seizure, when my good brain came alive and pointed out to me that the way my son grows up to be is entirely dependant on me as a parent - how I raise him, how I can discipline him, how I can teach him the value of respecting others’ time and space, knowing when to say no to his demands, making him realize his boundaries, and basically not being a pain in the ass.
But even before I could find some peace in this thought, I saw the hapless mother who was trying desperately to leash this 6 year old devil, I saw her face which looked like a black & white movie… I saw her half-open eyes which had ‘defeated’ written large on them… and I saw her posture which would make the Hunchback of Notre dame change his name…. I saw in her a parent 5 years ago, who would have had the same grand notions of parenting, disciplining and raising a good child as I do now…
This realization came fast and cold… sending shivers down my spine… I was back in the freeze.
The Mortal Fear of Parenting had hit me…. and it seems like it’s here to stay…
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